Tuesday, May 20, 2008

"Mom, this vacation sucks"

I got out of jail free this morning to attend a seminar on server and desktop virtualization. It was every single bit as exciting as it sounds. They raffled off a textbook (which I DIDN'T WIN, dammit). And I'm pretty sure the entire first row of attendees speaks Klingon as their first language.

But I appreciated the time away from work. How often does one get the chance to drive across Denver during rush hour to the sleepy hamlet of Greenwood Village? Not often enough, I say.

Anyway, I saw the weirdest thing ever during my bathroom break. As I approached the ladies' room, I heard talking. Okay, fairly normal. And music. Okay, weirder. Then I heard the unmistakable horror that is the Dragon Tales theme song. In the lobby bathroom of the Doubletree Hotel. Um.

Did you know that modern technology allows us to embed a flat TV screen into a bathroom mirror? And that four out of five conventioneers like to watch PBS Kids before and after they take a pee? Okay I made the last one up, but I swear to God. There was a TV in there and it was tuned into wholesomely lame cartoons.

Zack and Weezy, don't forget to wipe!

Why? Why?? I can only think of two valid reasons. One, they want to make sure that you return to your boring virtualization seminar post-haste--no lingering in the bathroom! So they play the most hideous saccharine kids' shows known to man. It's the same logic as playing loud bad music in public restrooms so the homeless don't set up housekeeping, or playing Billy Ray Cyrus full blast in the 7-11 parking lot so those damn kids don't loiter.

Or, it could be this--some vacation resort hotels have Kids' Clubs. If Mom and Dad need a little alone time during the trip, they can drop the kids off at Kids' Club for a combination of babysitting and day camp--swimming, crafts, other fun. Maybe the bathroom TV was the Doubletree's children's program, a poor man's Kids' Club. "Honey, Mommy and Daddy are going out to dinner, just go on into the john and watch PBS until we get back."

Jeez, at least give them Spongebob. After all, it is the bathroom.