Not a peep

Whither?

It's just not Easter without certain things. Baskets. Chocolate. Awkward uncomfortable gatherings at Grandma's house (oh, wait, that's just me). And Peeps. Sweet, sweet peeps.

Well, we're just going to have to cancel Easter because Peeps are AWOL in Boulder.

Because we have, you know, lives, we haven't been able to get our Easter shopping done early this year. We thought we'd be safe running into the giant Target near our house and stocking up on various traditional Easter goodies and Michael Graves springtime design items. I mean, who runs out of candy before Easter?

Target, that's who. By the time we got there today the shelves were picked clean of all but the nastiest jelly beans and some kind of weird circus peanut type thing that I can't even talk about. It was like Soviet Russia, except with more pastels. And worst of all? NO PEEPS. Anywhere.

I mean, who runs out of Peeps? Usually there are enough left over the day after Easter to build a new room onto your house. The checkers are slipping them into your bag, free with every purchase. You see those fuckers hardening on the shelves well into June. But this year, we went to three different places and they were all Peepless. I wonder if they've tightened the supply chain at the Peep factory, to reduce costs and more accurately target inventory during the recession? Another reason to hate AIG.

Now what are we supposed to do? What are we going to use to play Attack of the 50ft. Pink Chicken in the microwave? And what are we going to use to craft our artist's rendition of Christ on the cross? (c'mon, it's not like we EAT them, how crazy do you think we are?)

We've learned our lesson. In these trying economic times, shop early and often for Peeps. Next year, we'll buy a gross as soon as they hit the stores. That should give us enough for our microwave fun and our religious art. We'll have enough to sell on the Peeps black market. After a few months, we can even soundproof the basement.