The dog ate my talking points

John McCain! Did you seriously say that you want to cancel the presidential debate because we need to focus on the economy? Did you really say that you plan to take a break from campaigning for the next few days, one of those days being the day of the first debate? And was it really suggested that we reschedule your debate for October 2, the date of the vice presidential debate, in turn postponing that one?

Because even I didn't think you were that big of a pussy. But way to prove me wrong!

Guess what I'm doing on Friday, John? I'm going to Omaha. For one day. I don't want to go to Omaha, even for one day. (No offense, Omaha.) I want to stay here. I want to do Other Stuff. I want to help my husband prepare for our son's birthday party instead of leaving him holding the bag. (A metaphor for our current economic situation? Perhaps.) But you know what? I'm going to Omaha. Why? Because IT'S MY JOB. I'm going to be interviewing a bank executive. That's right, a bank executive. He's not taking the day off to mourn the financial crisis, and he WORKS IN A BANK.

Some may argue that your job is being a senator, and as such you should be in Washington helping to give Henry Paulsen absolute power over everything in the known universe. I say: bullshit. Your job right now is to run for president. Your job is to prove that you can multitask like a motherfucker. There are lots of very smart people working very hard on getting the economy under control right now. And you know, I think they can manage without you. In fact, I really think you've done enough, my friend.

The place you need to be right now is onstage, with a microphone, telling me exactly why I should let you anywhere near a major financial crisis. I think it's going to take a lot of convincing, so I'm going to stop ranting so you have enough time to study up and find a pair of balls before the big debate. Good luck with that. See you Friday!