Sunday, January 03, 2010
There are so few real advantages to recuperating from knee surgery, but there are some silver linings. The drugs, for one thing. It's also a free pass to sit on the couch and watch movies all day. And you can also burst into tears and have a good cry and people will blame it on the fatigue or the stress and not the fact that you're, y'know, a FROOTBAT. But the best perk of all is the one that's small and red and hangs from my rearview mirror. Yes, I'm talking about the joy of the Temporary Handicap Placard.
Of course, to get a Temporary Handicap Placard, one does have to be Temporarily Handicapped. And that's kind of a bummer. But I have to admit there is kind of a thrill going to the museum on a Saturday or to a jam-packed mall and being like, " 'scuse ME, bitches," as I pull into the front row. It's been nice. And the Pepsi Center? CANNOT WAIT. Only Melo has a better spot.
My husband is disgusted with me. He thinks that anything less than paraplegia means you should suck it up and hoof it. To that I say, hey, Joan of Arc, when someone cuts open YOUR knee and pulls out half of YOUR hamstring to tie it all together, you can hobble to and from the back lot at Costco all you want. But while I try to balance parenthood and recuperation, while I have to settle for a 1-degree improvement in my range of motion and the reappearance of my shinbone in my leg as major causes for celebration, I'm going to enjoy my status as a member of the handicap row. You gotta take what you can get.